You Are Worthy

The kick-off of this new decade has been an emotional roller coaster of a ride for me. I've been quiet about it, unsure how to find the right words, mainly because I've been trying to figure out the lessons.

These last few days, I've pushed through some murky water and mud and sort through my emotions. While I know my lessons aren't over - and I think most of it has just begun on this particular chapter - I want to share so far what I have learned.

There have been several instances where my voice has been taken away, ignored, or not acknowledged. If I am honest, I have not always been in tune to even recognize or care about it. However, in recent years, I've learned that being heard by others and acknowledge is the crux of any relationship. When another human spends the time to listen, understand, and accept, it builds trust, empathy, and respect. Conversely, if your voice is ignored, not even considered, or assumed the same as another person, it potentially breaks down what already existed.

I've been heartbroken by the lack of acknowledgment my voice - which reflects who I am as a human being - has been given in some recent circumstances. There have been multiple - the lesson keeps showing up - and it has left me in complete wonder.

When this happens, there are a few different choices and paths. I could point the finger and place blame on another person. Or, I could also blame myself and accept it for what it is. In the past, the later is the road I would have most likely taken. I'd retreat, and it would take me months, sometimes years, to find the courage to speak on my behalf again. Most of the time, in past years, I would never speak up, in fear that it would happen all over again, and all the parts that I spent time gluing back together would fall apart.

It's important to note that I am quite sure there have been times when I have made another's voice feel unheard, or acknowledged. I'm not void of any mistakes or miscommunication.

After some reflection, I decided that taking the path of staying quiet, and never speaking again just because I'm feeling stifled by someone else's actions, wouldn't improve or solve anything. It may even incorrectly set an expectation that doesn't convey my true feelings.

Also, I questioned whether the best use of my time is trying to convince another of my value, or if being around people who know my worth and don't examine it or treat it like it is a second-hand thought is better.

My point in all of this is, to make ourselves be understood, we have to model the behavior that we want back in return, and we have to hold ourselves accountable through it all. We also have to be recognized individually. Specifically, we must have difficult conversations for ourselves and not through others. We also need to understand that feelings are your perception and not necessarily another person's intention.

Though it may not seem this way all the time when we strip away the layers of what we see on the surface, we are all the same. Making someone feel small by ignoring them, immediately discrediting their words, is disrespecting another human, which we have already established what we all are.

Here is another way to look at it, though this one might be a little harder; if someone isn't acknowledging you, could it be that what you have to say is too hard for them to hear?

The greatest gift is realizing that you get to choose. Sure, you can stay in the situation. And you can keep trying. Over time though, if who you are isn't being honored, it could damage your gifts and talents that the world is waiting for, by creating fear that isn't real. The world needs your voice. Your birthright is to have a place in this world, that includes your voice. Not any human truly has the ability to take that away, not unless you allow them to.

Here is the real deal; you always have a choice. If you are surrounding yourself with people that aren't hearing you, ignoring you, or making assumptions about who you are behind your back without actually speaking directly to you - then most likely - those aren't your people. If you find yourself reliving the same conversations, the same patterns, and it is leaving your feeling the same - you are wasting your time.

Are you going to spend your precious time on this earth trying to convince another person that your voice has value? Or, is it more useful for you to use your most valuable resource by knowing that what you have to say does have value, and to share it with people that will hear it.